Behind Closed Doors in Rich, White Suburbia (Day in the Life of a Lifeguard in TX)

(FYI:  This is all true but since I still work here, the location and all names have been changed.)

 So I thought being surrounded by rednecks was fun until tonight...

I realized this when I jokingly told someone I knew from before that just like in the new movie, "Iron Sky," it would be cool if Palin were actually president! He said, "Really?!" (Redneck influence?)

It gets worse...I found myself laughing at a drawing of a guy in a truck pulling a black man in chains behind him! Oh and for some reason the black victim had his hands chopped off...The artist later added the caption to the drawing "I EAT HANDS!" and kindly wrote in MY name below the caption.

Later, these lifeguards took turns asking each other how they would react in this hypothetical scenario: 

There's a blind girl, a girl w/ no arm, and a black girl...which one do you murder, fuck, and marry? Oh and Tobey made sure to add that all the disabled people are white, of course. (Replace girl with guy, depending on who was being asked.)

EVERYONE said they would kill the black man/girl except for the head guard, who asked if the black guy was hot or not... 0_0

When they asked me I said I would NOT kill the black girl...they were like everyone would kill the black one! Don't lie!

Tobey's exact answer was:  "Kill the black girl, fuck the one-armed chick, and marry the blind one.  I can lock the blind one in a closet or cellar and she won't know the difference because she's blind!"

Then they decided to make this scenario a little more challenging and changed it up and said OK the black girl/guy is only half black, now what? One of the lifeguards said, "Boil her, skin her, and eat her!" 0_o Keep in mind this lifeguard is from a small Texan town, where he customarily sets traps and hunts critters (skins them and eats them).

One of the college-educated white female lifeguards was creative. She said, "KILL THEM ALLL!"

Another was even more so and said she would rather shoot herself than marry a black guy.

(FYI:  there is ONE black lifeguard that works at this pool.  I told them all but they said it's not true, that they have never seen a black person working there.  Perhaps, he quit from all the racism...can't blame him.)


No race was spared though.

Sam told me that he went to an Indian restaurant and they suggested the lamb dish and told him that they slaughter live goats out back. Sam thought they were joking but when he was leaving and drove around back he saw a pile of lamb carcasses! (Sam also though Indian and Israeli were the same thing before...)

Even my friend, Jeremy, who I don't think is racist, told me that Indians are covered in a "sweaty, sticky slime" and that he touched an Indian child once by accident and his hand was covered in the slime. He said he can smell them whenever they come to the pool.

Jeremy shared an anecdote once with all the other lifeguards: he blew his whistle at an Asian lady and that she was squinting at him and "pretending that she couldn't see him through her Asian eyes." Uhhh... and then he imitated her saying ,"I can't see you..." (This was all done in a really poor attempt at a Asian accent). He said he shouted back at her, "I know you can see me!"

WTF?

Oh yeah and Gavin told me that the solution to America's problems is to "nuke China."

Errrr....

Funny but also disturbing.

Oh Texas.